The Freedom of Change

Have you ever had those days where you’re looking in your closet and you say, ”Self what do you want to wear today?” And from there you have a 10-minute discussion with yourself determining what it actually is you’re in the mood to wear. Who you want to be today. I had this moment while walking around the mall last week. I haven’t been one who really focuses much on how I look or what I wear. After I went to school, I seemingly lost my sense of style and I am now trying to gain it back. So I’m walking around the mall trying to find a brown sweater...That’s really all I’m looking for...a brown sweater. Apparently, this year, brown sweaters aren’t in because I’m not finding them ANYWHERE!! I looked in all of “my stores” in the juniors’ section trying to find something that resembles what I’m looking for. Nothing. Nada. Then I decide to go to the “Ladies” section. I’m pretty insecure at first because I’m definitely not “old” enough to be considered a “lady” in my shopping. Or am I? 

It’s a hard transition going from “Juniors” to “Ladies”. It’s a complete mindset change. It goes from having the limited options of a “Junior” where the only options you have are the ones the world of fashion gives you to the limitless options of being a “Lady”. Where, as a grown individual, one has options to mix and match and pull from this and that to create who they become and not necessarily try to squeeze themselves into a box they were never meant for.  The transition time is tough and yet beautiful. That time of branching out and trying ones wings. We flutter from style to style, section to section, and we bring with it the things that we are comfortable with to make the transition easier. We take what we’ve tried to conform to, throw out the stuff that doesn’t matter and blend in what we like with what we find and eventually we find ourselves. I’m still in transition. While I was on my adventures at the mall I walked into a store I had never been to in my life. In fact, in my mind it was marked as an “Old Lady Store” that I would NEVER go to even when I got older because heaven forbid I dress older than I actually was! And even if I was that “old” I wouldn’t want anyone to know so...yeah I’ll just stay with my Juniors section because that’s where all the “Cool” clothes are! So I walk into this store and my calculations were correct...It was an “Old Lady Store”... A lot of the women in there were in their mid to upper 40’s, 50’s, and possibly even 60’s. And they had the CUTEST clothes on! I was actually a little green with envy because I want to look that good! And not just "when I'm their age I want to look that cute"...I wanna look that cute now! I looked around and realized, that the clothes were just as trendy as the “Junior” stores I go to, but they were dripping with maturity and sophistication.  It doesn’t have as much to do with style and age as it does attitude. 

I had a hilarious conversation with a friend of mine about how we both now like this store and we both had the same thoughts about it and she says, "Oh no! We’re getting old!" I’m not exactly afraid of growing up and becoming “older”, but I will probably never lose my zest for newness and freshness. I want to stay current! It’s the creative side of me that won’t let "the old" happen! I’m not exactly classy and will probably never be. It's not a box I fit in well and I'm ok with that. It's more boho chic I’d say...a free spirit. With that said, I haven’t gotten it all figured out yet, but I’m well on my way. I’m beginning to figure out that I don’t have to make a choice about who I want to be in the morning...I can wear whatever I want and know that I’m still me, because no matter what I wear or how I wear it, the ultimate point is that I wear the clothes, they don’t wear me. And because of that, I don’t have to be stuck in one box, but I’m free to float from box to box and pick and choose what I would like because no one is there to tell me I can’t.


How about you? Where are you on your journey to self discovery?